Tantric Sex – How It Can Transform Your Sex Life

Reading time: 15 min.

Why you should try tantric sex

Have you ever thought about slowing the things down when it comes to sex and shifting your focus from the end-goal to the process itself? That is basically what Tantra is all about. Western culture, with its strict time-management and goal-oriented approach, permanent pressure and stress, makes people always be in a hurry, running like a hamster in a spinning wheel up to six days a week what leaves them almost no time to relax and feel the moment. Unfortunately, we have fallen into a habit of dragging the same attitude to the bedroom, not allowing ourselves to ease even then. Most of us are so fixated on reaching climax that they cannot stop worrying and be happy enjoying the present moment. However, what works for your career does not always work for your intimate relationship and the quality of your sex life.

Even from a therapeutic point of view, your constant living in a hurry and under tension can lead to all sorts of frustrations, from psychological to physiological ones. Many sex and relationship therapists state that such problems as performance anxiety and worry about orgasm, premature ejaculation and erectile dysfunction (in men) or frigidity and anorgasmia (in women) root in the pressure that makes us, westerners, be in our head instead of being present in the moment and in our body. That is why tantric sex is not only a pleasantly satisfying, but also healing practice; it removes all anxieties by redirecting the focus from the result to the process. So if you think that your intimate part of life needs some transformation, then it is time to try something new.

What Tantric Sex is all about

Tantric sex is a somewhat slowed-down meditative form of intimacy designed to improve relationships between the partners and strengthen the connection between your body and inner self. The word ‘tantra’ has come to us from Sanskrit, rooting back to Hindu and Buddhist teachings, and can be interpreted as ‘woven together’. It refers to the union of Yang and Yin, heaven and earth, physical and spiritual. When you find balance between your heart and mind, then you will attain a perfect alignment of your bodily needs, desires, and sacred sexual energy. When you reach this almost transcendent harmony of tantric intimacy, then your sex, both solo and partnered, becomes really empowering and healing on top of being profoundly satisfying and simply beautiful.

Tantra is all about practicing mindfulness, feeling connected, experiencing enhanced awareness of your body and being present in the given moment. When you start practicing tantric sex as one of the sacred rituals of tantra’s doctrine, you will notice that time eventually slows down, the boundaries of your mind expand and your intuition sharpens beyond imaginable. You will learn to better understand the wants of your body and register its response to all sorts of sensual manipulations. This knowledge will also help improve communication between the partners and tighten love bonds. Incorporation of tantric principles into your sex life opens the door to deeper self-cognition, granting a sense of better connection, complete satisfaction, and ultimate well-being.

However, this ancient sex practice is still wrapped in such a shroud of mystery for most of us that it may require some clarifying and better understanding of its essence.

If you are just a beginner in tantric sex

How to get to know yourself

Knowing the wants and needs of your body is a key in tantric sex. It is as much spiritual as physical practice, so it will require the full involvement not only of your body but also of your inner self, your mind, your feelings, your emotions, and all the five senses. You should start practice mindfulness and awareness, learn to meditate and focus on your breathing, and remember to always stay present in the moment.

Occasionally, you can have some psychological blocks about engaging into sensual self-touching and masturbation that may prevent you from getting to know yourself more intimately. However, you must understand that the more you become in-tune with your body and know about your special pleasure zones, the more fulfilling your sexual experience will be (even in partnered intercourse), and the more intense all-embracing orgasms will become your final tribute.

How to get to know your partner

Learning to honor your partner’s body is as crucial in tantric sex as achieving a deeper conscious bond between your own body and mind. You can give your partner a gentle full-body massage for a start to find out what ticks it for them and awakens their sexual energy. Such mindful exploration leads to better understanding of your partner’s needs and helps unfold all aspects of their personality, so that it will seem that you know your loved one inside out.

Consequently, you will be able to build stronger and more harmonious relationships with your partner. You will learn to stay physically aware and spiritually present during the intercourse; channeling your energies through each other’s bodies and making them grow even after the lovemaking ends. It will also make you feel utterly refreshed and empowered, instead of totally spent and exhausted.

In addition, any experiments are wholeheartedly welcomed in tantric sex, as long as both partners feel comfortable about doing something new during their sexual activities.

How to practice tantric sex on your own or with a partner

Solo session

To build up the moment on your own, stay present in the given moment by focusing on your breath and body sensations. Set aside enough time and ensure that you will not be disturbed or distracted.

• Do your yoga routine, meditate or just stretch to relax and gain a clear mindset.
• Create a relaxing atmosphere by dimming the lights, lighting up some incense sticks or candles, and putting on some soft soothing music.
• Take a warm bath or shower to fully relieve the remaining tension and make yourself open to new sensations.
• Begin your solo exploration slowly, engaging all your five senses and fully concentrating on your body reactions.
• Give yourself a full-body self-massage using your favorite scented oil and rubbing it into your skin, starting from your neck and moving downwards to your inner thighs and the most sacred place in-between them.
• Masturbation is optional here; you may decide on launching into tantric self-love or never go there at all. Touching yourself in a new way, learning how your body responds to it, slowing down, and softening your play can be also very satisfying.

Just remember that the end-goal must not be orgasm, but a better understanding of your body needs, stronger connection with yourself and ability to take pleasure in the process itself instead of racing to climax.

Partnered session

The preparation for a partnered practice is the same as for the solo one. So after securing some convenient time and space, get ready to build up the moment together with your partner.

• Get into one of tantric sex positions that is most comfortable for both of you, facing each other and keeping eye contact.
• You may also place one hand on your partner’s heart to create a better connection while you are trying to synchronize your breathing.
• Then you can engage into oral foreplay or a mutual massage session, staying fully present all the time.
• Having sex is always optional when you are practicing tantra. You can reach the seventh heaven even without penetration.
• Remember that tantric sex is not about reaching orgasm, so you do not have to follow the usual script: foreplay-intercourse-climax. Instead, you should try to be more creative and open-minded to any sort of activities.
• Go into tender snuggling and cuddling to exchange and weave your energies together. A spooning position will be the most beneficial for this sensual practice.

Exploration of new sensations and experimenting are always encouraged in tantric sex since it helps heighten intimacy, deepen the connection, increase the confidence between partners, and gain better understanding of your lover’s needs. Focus not on the destination point, but on the mutually enjoyable journey. Turn this bliss from a fleeting moment into eternity.

Some important tantric sex techniques

What breathing techniques you can use

Breathing is a key component of tantric sex, since everything here revolves more or less around meditation. It helps free your mind, heighten connection, and intimacy in both solo and partnered sessions. Mastering one of the following breathing techniques will let you feel everything to the full.

Stimulating Breathing

All you have to do is close your eyes and start taking quick breaths through your nose. You should start with three inhales and exhales per second for a fifteen-second cycle, adding five seconds as your breathing skills improve until you can do it for one minute. Practicing this technique can benefit your energy levels and sharpen your awareness.

Four-Seven-Eight Breathing

It is also good to practice it with your partner as you try to synchronize your breath. First, you should calmly inhale through the nose to a count of four. Then you hold your breath up to a count of seven, and finally, you exhale through the mouth to a count of eight. Do this cycle four times. This technique lets all your tension go away, so you can reach a profound level of relaxation.

Counting breathing

Breathe normally and start counting your breaths from one to five; there is no need to go further since your mind may wander. So concentrate on your breathing and repeat this five-count inhale-exhale cycles until you reach ten minutes. This technique is very meditative; in the end, you will reach a clear set of mind, find your balance, and increase connection with your body.

Thus, learning to breathe in the right way can be very beneficial in tantric sex. It lets you relieve the stress, switch off the outside world, and concentrate on a whole range of new sensations; it also helps prolong ejaculation and recharge your inner batteries.

What positions are best for tantric sex

If you are just beginning your journey into exciting, deeply satisfying and enlightening tantric sex, you should start with some of the basics, like yab-yum, hand-on-heart or relaxed arch positions.

Yab-yum / lotus position

If you are alone, do the following:
Sit cross-legged, keeping your back straight with your palms resting on your knees. Breathe deeply and slowly.

If you are with a partner, do the following:
One of the partners must sit cross-legged with the other one getting on top of the first one’s thighs and crossing ankles behind their back. Try to breathe in perfect synchronization and keep eye contact.

Hand-on-heart position

If you are alone, do the following:
Sit cross-legged with your back straight and your right hand on your heart. Close your eyes and focus on the energy flow; try to feel the connection between your heart and hand.

If you are with a partner, do the following:
Sit both cross-legged, facing each other. Put your right hand on the partner’s heart and place your left hand on top of your partner’s right one. Close your eyes and let the energy build and flow through your heart-and-hand circle.

Relaxed arch position

If you are alone, do the following:
Sit on your knees and start slowly arching your back until your head touches the floor or bed. Then put your arms about your head with palms facing downward. Now you can start exploring your body.

If you are with a partner, do the following:
The giving partner sits upright keeping their legs straight with the receiving partner sitting on their lap on the knees and arching the back until the head rests between the giving partner’s legs and hands get hold of ankles. Remember to change places.

A few insights for advanced followers

Experienced practitioners of tantric sex may try some more sophisticated techniques, such as orgasm control (edging) or sacred spot massage.

How to practice edging

Bring yourself almost to orgasm and then hold back, feeling pleasant tingling sensations coursing throughout your body. As they begin to fade away, start again and then stop on the verge once more. Keep repeating this sweet mind-blowing torture again and again until you almost explode with the most powerful and intense orgasm you have ever experienced in your life.

How to do a sacred spot massage

First, you must locate a prostate gland if your partner is male or a so-called G-spot (in the upper wall of the vagina) if your partner is female, and then start gently rubbing one of these most sensitive erogenous zones. Keep going until the heat builds up, and your partner begins to loudly moan and groan, wildly writhe and thrash about as they come closer to the awe-inspiring unearthly finale, so potent and ecstatic that even fireworks on the 4th of July will pale beside it.

Some quick tips for an enjoyable tantric sex session

Read more into the topic: the more you get to know about tantra and tantric sex, the better you will be prepared for the practice, and the more enjoyable it will be in the end.

Try to slow down a bit: emotional satisfaction and deep connection are more important in tantric sex than orgasm, so take your time to fully enjoy the process without rushing to the finish line.

Create a safe space: find a place and time in which you can be totally uninhibited by any distractions such as business phone calls or unexpected visits of your relatives and friends. Make also sure that sounds you may produce during your tantric sex practice will not disturb your kids or neighborhood.

Incorporate calming elements: a soothing bath, lit candles, incense sticks and essential oils will help you and your partner set the mood and tune to the upcoming sensual action.

Practice mindfulness: try yoga or meditation to learn to slow down, feel connected with your body, and achieve better awareness of the present moment and all its sensations. Developing a habit of focusing on your moves and senses during the day may also help.

Concentrate on the breathing: focus on your belly and chest while you inhale and exhale. It will help you stay grounded into here and now and attune your breathing to your partner’s one to reach the full harmony and better connection.

Remember to keep an eye contact: when practicing partnered tantric sex, gazing into each other’s eyes helps synchronize your sex energy as much the breathing. In the end, beauty is always in the eye of the beholder.

Engage all your senses: enjoy the smell of building arousal, feast your eyes on gentle curves and hard muscles, let your taste buds awaken to a kiss, savor each sensual touch and skin-to-skin contact, and concentrate on the sounds you make when you or your partner vocalize their pleasure.

Do not be fixated on penetrative sex: try to refocus from a sexual part of tantric sex to the sensual one. Some tender cuddling or a mutual massage session can calm you better, relieve all anxiety and bring the ease you need to feel fully satisfied in your body and mind.

Epilogue: the benefits of tantric sex practice

Slow down, take your time, try to pause the hustling and bustling world around you with this meditative sex practice, and you will see the difference. It will let you clear your mind, stay present and connected by bringing all your human passions and carnal desires into alignment with your heart and spirit. Have you ever been in relationships filled with uttermost respect, devotion and care, the ones that evoke all the good in you and make you overflow with unconditional love? Have you ever felt such unprecedented harmony between your inner self and body? Have you ever dreamt of such intense, long-lasting, whole-body orgasms that make you feel more vigorous and overfilled with energy instead of worn and spent? Now, have you ever imagined you could reach cloud nine, that ecstatic state of total bliss and elation, even without climax you previously believed was a must in sex? Then it is time to be open a whole new world of tantric sex and learn more about this practice!

Related Links

Tantric Sex: Beginning
Spiritual Tantric Practice
Tantric Touch Massage Video
Woman’s Body Worshipping Tantric Sex
Couple Tantric Sex Part One
Couple Tantric Sex Part Two
Tantric Sexual Awakening
Tantric Sexual Massage Section

Recommended Books

“The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know”, by Mantak Chia, Douglas Abrams

“Urban Tantra, Second Edition: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century”, by Barbara Carrellas